


Meta's... Fanfiction Double Life?!

by maxim_potato



Category: Kirby (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, also dark's a smugass, and dark meta calling meta a pillow prince, and they're in borb form, dark meta won't shut the fuck up, haltmann works tech is FAR too advanced for our PATHETIC human devices, how can they type? i have no fucking idea, i can't fucking tag so bear with me here, if susie's username here doesn't give this away, just swears, literally how can meta's fanfiction double life NOT be crack, make that 200 percent, mentioned that meta writes smut, susie is lesbian, there's no smut in the story tho, this is just 100 percent crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-15 01:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17519801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxim_potato/pseuds/maxim_potato
Summary: this came from an idea from a discord server i'm in and now i'm herethis fic is going to be the death of me, isn't itstay tuned if you want to bc i have more additions to come. or don't. yeah you can do that too if you want to. go to my profile and check out my not-crack works. yeah that'd be cool





	1. Welcome to 'metaknights_metawrites'

**Author's Note:**

> Lots and lots and LOTS of crack involved. Using my more canon-based Meta (not the one that comes from a supernova that I have never used in my AO3 fanfics yet).

In the beginning, it was for the fangirls. I’d seen people give me many different humanoid forms, and there were _plenty_ of stories with many of them. I’d been gives heights of anywhere from five feet to almost seven feet, and I’ve been everything from a twink to a bunk. And, well, almost _all_ of them were hot in some way or another. I was adored by the fandom, adored a little _too_ much by some people. I had become everything from memes to the subject of some depraved superfan’s… _desires._ I’ve been everything from Kirby’s father to Kirby’s mentor and even Kirby’s edgy older brother. But I still can’t seem to find an absolutely perfect interpretation of me.

And thus I created my own.

My first ‘fanfiction’, as they called it, had been about two years ago, and according to my followers, I’ve improved since then. My earliest pieces were… subpar, to say the least. Some of them felt incredibly weird, considering my number one request was Meta Knight x Reader fanfiction, and, as you know, I myself am both Meta Knight and the reader. Though, from writing that, I also happen to be more narcissistic than I like to admit, according to my mirror counterpart. He likes to look over my shoulder through the reflective surfaces around me when I type. I have to uphold a deal with him - as long as he is known as the more powerful counterpart, my secret is safe. If I dare to defeat him in battle, shatter him, claim that I am the more powerful warrior, then the world, and many other worlds, will learn the true identity of ‘metaknights_metawrites’.

And I know that is a double life that I have to protect.

There are too many character-based blogs on the internet for me to seem strange. I’ve seen plenty of roleplaying blogs or ask-blogs of different versions of me to count. Introducing myself in my description as “Meta Knight, age 80,000+” is surprisingly normal. Everyone is insistent on believing that I am a 20-something-year-old horny Meta Knight superfan. And, I never thought I’d say such a thing, but I’m glad to be known as just that. I couldn’t possibly handle the onslaught of fangirls that would go after me if they learned the truth; though, why they’re so obsessed with an eight-inch-tall orb is… unusual, to say the least.

I’ve been criticized for the complete absence of Nightmare in Meta Knight’s backstory, how I never liked to put Nightmare in my fanfictions as Meta Knight’s creator, and a horrible father figure. The truth is, I was never a child of Nightmare, a demon beast of any sort. How that theory came around, I do not know. Maybe it was some low-budget attempt to document what could have possibly happened on Planet Popstar that the others decided to believe was real, due to it being the only available lore. But no, I am not a creature born of demons. We are simply a species close to extinction, not the spawn of a synthetic genetic pool or creatures born from dying stars.

There have been many particularly… _obsessed_ fans chiding me on how I write Meta Knight is not, and I quote, ‘a REALISTIC enough interpretation!!!!1!’ and whenever those pop up, I can’t help but laugh. This is as realistic as it can get. I am Meta Knight himself, and if anything, my writing should be the gold standard on how Meta Knight should be written. Well, maybe my standard is a _little_ overglorified.

**You mean a LOT overglorified.**

Okay, okay, Dark, it is _VERY_ overglorified. Happy?

**Well, you may have admitted to your god complex, but you are _definitely_ not as absolutely ~irresistable~ as you make yourself out to be.**

_Yes_ , I _know,_ Dark, I am not the sexy godlike figure that I write myself out to be. Now shut up.

**Are you _kidding?_ There’s too much dirt to spill for me to shut up right now.**

DARK.

**Have you even _seen_ how you write yourself out to be? It’s as if you’re just as self-absorbed as Dedede, maybe even _more_ , and that’s saying something.**

CAN YOU _SHUT THE EVERLIVING FUCK UP_ FOR ONCE.

**Fiiiiiiine.**


	2. The Fanfic Computer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meta's computer breaks and he's being a bitch about it, more or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter susie's gonna be in it so stay tuned if you want to. or don't. you can make a maxim sad and not stay tuned. yeah that's an option too. *hides in the corner*

Of  _ course,  _ my fanfiction computer  _ had _ to break down.

Yes, I have to have two separate computers. One is wired to the Halberd, and thus the Halberd can detect anything I do on there. The other is all my own. No one knows what I do on it, and, with luck, no one ever will. Hence, why I call it my ‘fanfiction computer.’ It is the only possible piece of evidence towards the true identity of ‘metaknights_metawrites’.

And now it’s glitching and won’t let me type anything.

I only know one person who would be able to help me with this without relentless teasing about how ‘Oh, Sir Meta Knight can’t even fix his own computer! Oh, he’s a damsel in distress! How tragic.’

**You’re not exactly the most powerful guy out there, you know.**

Oh,  _ shut up, _ you insufferable bastard.

**Compared to me, you’re actually pretty weak.**

DID YOU HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME?!

**Remember the deal? You dare mess with me too much and your secret’s going out to everyone. Marx, Magolor, Dedede, everyone.**

Hmph. Fine, you win.

**There we go. Blackmail’s a bitch, ain’t it. Now, continue your edgy monologue.**

Well, as much as I hate the idea, I’m going to have to have it fixed by...  _ her. _

**_Her?_ Who the fuck is _her?_**

S-Suuuusie. Susanna… Patrya Haltmann.

**Oh. Yeah. _Her._ She was pretty cute…**

She has trapped and mechanized  _ me _ and also attempted to do the same to  _ you! _ What the hell is attractive about  _ that?! _

**She’s a cute girl with a gun. What _isn’t_ attractive about that?**

THE FACT THAT SHE’S HELLBENT ON TURNING US INTO PUPPETS FOR HER TO CONTROL AS SHE PLEASES. 

**She could shoot me in the arm and I’d thank her.**

You’re desperate, aren’t you.

**And? She’s hot.**

She is one of the very few females on this team; most of the others are either dead or minors. You don’t have many options here. And, in my case, I have a similar problem, as she is the only person who will fix my fanfic computer who is not dead and who will not tease me for hours about it. About my inability to fix my own computer, that is. As for the fanfic, well, knowing the asshole next to me, there are no guarantees she’ll let that pass.

**Hey! I am no asshole. I am one hundred percent bastard, thank you very much.**

Your interjections do not matter here, dipshit. Now, I need to get this computer to Susie and hope it isn’t still open on my Google Docs. Until then, it’s back to the notebooks.

**You’ve got notebooks? Where you hiding ‘em?**

That is  _ not _ for you to know, Dark.


	3. Susie Enters The Fanfiction Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> susie fixes meta's computer, but finds something unusual there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUSIE HAS ENTERED THE SCENE and she figures out something Interesting about meta,,,,,,, feel free to stick around for future updates. or don't. yeah you may have come this far but you can still leave. go drink a sprite. read some nice fluff. live your life to the fullest, you know. it isn't too late to leave.
> 
> but staying here is still good

“I’d expect Meta Knight to be able to fix his own computer…” Susie muttered to herself. “But this will at least give me something to do.” Well, it was less  _ something to do _ rather than  _ something to do other than follow the pink puff on his pointless adventures. _ She could finally be in her element - technology!

Although, calling this  _ ancient _ HP laptop ‘technology’ may have been an overstatement. 

She was pretty sure chargers were no longer being produced for it. It must have been something from the time capsules in Shiver Star. How it was still working must have been a miracle. It didn’t even have automatic glitch-fixing-and-virus-eradication software!

Looking at both sides of the… computer, she saw a plug-in hole that may be able to fit a Haltmann Works device meant for fixing old technology. Wiggling the device that looked like a pink ice-cream cone into place, she saw the Haltmann Works logo pop up on screen for a second before another loading bar popped up.

_ Analyzing problem…  _

_ Problem found. Fixing problem…  _

_ Fixed! Restarting system… _

Susie watched as whatever issue the ancient laptop had was almost immediately solved by the incredible technology of Haltmann Works. The computer restarted, the same HP logo on the cover of the sad excuse for a computer popping up on a black screen as another loading bar progressed.

Once the desktop screen opened, something else popped up.

_ Reopening windows… this may take a while _ .

Reopening windows, hm? Maybe she could get a sneak peek into what Meta did on this computer. The knight was very secretive, after all. Who knew what he could have been hiding?

Once the loading bar went away and all windows had opened, Susie yanked out the device and saw, on the computer screen…

Tons and  _ tons  _ of open tabs.

All of them Google Docs.

Flipping through them, it was all fanfiction. Every single Google Doc had a piece of fanfiction, some two pages, some twenty. Skimming through one of them, Susie’s face immediately turned red - these should be  _ strictly _ forbidden to Kirby, Gooey, Adeleine, and Ribbon.  _ How much of this is ever here? Does Meta have some sort of actual fanfic account? _

Snickering, she pulled up a new tab and saw that Archive of Our Own was bookmarked. “He has an  _ AO3? _ Let’s find out…”

Clicking on the bookmarked site, Susie saw that Meta was logged in, as ‘metaknight_metawrites’. “So he  _ does _ do this! How many works, though…?”

The dashboard showed her what she needed to know. ‘Works (43)’. And scrolling through them, a shocking amount of those works were rated E. That is, E for Explicit.

“He actually  _ does this?! _ ” Susie couldn’t help but laugh a little, then pulled out her own computer and went to AO3. Searching ‘metaknights_metawrites’, it popped up, and she left a comment on his latest fic.

_ I know who you really are, Meta~ _

Now to see Meta’s reaction.

 

~pov switch to  Meta ~

 

Oh, fuck.

Oh fuck, oh God, oh fuck.

Someone knows who I am.

No matter how hard I try to make myself believe that the comment is just me delusional from sleep deprivation, it stays there, haunting me.

[ **gunnlesbiann** commented: I know who you really are, Meta~]

Oh, whatever God is out there, please help me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh yeah haltmann works can fix old technology really easily, since this is technically thousands of years into the future anyway, if shiver star says anything about it.
> 
> and her username origin is:  
> she's gun lesbian  
> haltmann has two ns at the end
> 
> so y e a h


	4. Dark Does Something That's Definitely Not Solely To Help Meta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Dark Meta + Meta interactions return. I like writing these two interacting don't judge. Also they actually ally for something

**So, I see someone else figured it out.**

Dark, shut up.

**You can’t hide from it forever, you know.**

I KNOW. But what I CAN do is ask YOU to SHUT UP about it.

**All right, all right. Sheesh. Continue your edgy, anguish-filled monologue for us, Meta Dark’ness Dementia Raven Knight.**

Dark, do  _ not _ call me that, especially not now. Someone else knows. I am  _ doomed. _ Susie can and will use any information she has against me, probably to turn me into that  _ cyborg _ again. 

**You consider slashing the shit out of her with Galaxia?**

That is like bringing a knife to a gunfight. Literally. And I thought you had a crush on her.

**Yeah, feelings die hard.**

Good. You commenting on her appearance and skill with a blaster was getting rather annoying.

**But are you _sure_ that she’d go to the point of making Robo-Knight 2.0? Harmann Works was destroyed, anyway.**

One, it was Mecha Knight, not Robo-Knight. Two, it was  _ Haltmann _ works. Your memory is horrible. And three, you know how much she loves the idea of gaining more power. She is still obsessed with restoring Haltmann Works to its former glory, and is now fueled further by the idea of honoring her father’s wishes now that he has been killed. And if she spreads this secret… 

**If she spread this secret, what?**

You, of all people, should know what the fangirls think of me. I do not want the Halberd overrun by insane, horny adolescents.

**You really think she’d do that to you? That seems a bit extreme, even for me.**

You  _ know _ how much she wants to keep…  _ experimenting _ on me.

**She wasn’t safe from the Internet, either. Unleashing them on you when she lives nearby would be a bit of a suicide mission.**

I truly despise saying this, Dark, but… you have a fair point.

**You hate admitting that you’re not the _only_ smart one around here, don’t you.**

…yes.

**Meta, my friend, your god complex is going to get you killed someday.**

My crew reminds me of that _enough_ , thank you very much. Now, if you want to make sure that Susie doesn’t get me exposed, I suggest you at least try to help me persuade her not to tell.

**What’s in it for me?**

…

**C’mon, Meta. You know me. I don’t just do things because I want to help others. If there’s nothing in it for me, you’re not getting my help.**

…I’ve got fifty dollars.

**Ehhh. More.**

Oh, come on. My fate rests in this.

**And mine does not.**

…

**Typing away again, aren’t you? Well, I bet you there isn’t gonna be anything you can find that’ll get me to- WHAT IS THAT. WHAT. META. ANSWER ME.**

That, my friend, is called Dametameta. You, and me, and the Internet forcing us together.

**Okay, I would NOT do that. I would NEVER DO THAT. You are NOT my type whatsoever. Why are they doing this.**

That is just how the Internet works. If they find two people- beings, rather- that have even the slimmest possibility of getting together and forming some sort of sexual or romantic relationship, they can and will write about it. And sometimes, it will verge into… well, territory that Adeleine should not be allowed in.

**I want none of this.**

Well, if you help me stop Susie from revealing this to the world, you will also stop the fangirls from trying to get us together.

**Okay, you’ve got me. I’m in.**

Good.

**…Could I still have the fifty dollars?**

No.

**Pillow-prince bitchboy.**

_ Fiiiiiine. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also uh quick thingy that I should probably reveal now, I headcanon that mirror worlders can communicate telepathically with their normal world counterparts. So that's why Dark Meta isn't really speaking yet. He'll be speaking probably once he's talking to Susie.   
> *hides in my Maxim Corner*


End file.
